Overwhelming

Sometimes in life things happen, that we don't know how to deal with, and I will say losing Marissa has definately been one of those things for me! Their is not a day go by that I do not think of her, and remember so many good times with her. She is always on my mind, sometimes pushed to the back, just because I cant stand the pain that comes with thinking of how different our lives should be. I still find myself wanting to pick up the phone and call her whenever something happens that I want to tell her, I still catch myself from calling her name when I walk in mom's house. Whenever Miranda calls me upset about something it makes me even more mad, because alot of the things she is going through would not even be an issue if she still had her twin. I am so glad to be so close to Miranda that she feels like she can talk to me, but sometimes it makes it harder. I guess to sum it all up I am still just really mad! I miss my sister more than I ever thought possible, and I am sad that Miranda is fixing to graduate, and start a whole new phase of her life, that Marissa will never be a part of! Sometimes all of it just becomes to overwhelming and I feel like I cannot breathe, I know my life will never be the same and now I am trying to figure out how to deal with what is now my normal life! I miss my sister, my friend and I just wish I could have one more chance to tell her how much I love her!

I am so ready for spring and warmer weather! The girls got new bikes (thanks Dad) and they are loving riding them! Since Tim has been gone my dad tries to come over once a week, he knows how much I hate being alone so he comes over and brings us dinner and just comes and hangs out with me and the girls and I love it, and I know once I move it is going to be something I miss really bad. Anyway last week he came over to watch American Idol and he usually just brings the kids something small, but not last week he brought bikes, and they were so excited, so I am ready for the nice weather this week so I can go for walks and let them ride their bikes not only will it be fun for them, but I can also get some much needed exercise:) I am going to try to post pics of them soon on their bikes!

Tonight was open house at school for the girls, and it was so neat to go and see all the things they have been working so hard on. Audrey is doing great, she is the youngest one in her class, but her teacher said she is right at the same level as everyone else. She loved having me there to show me all of the things that she has learned and the things that she does everyday. I cant believe my baby will be in kindergarten next year (sniff, sniff)! Reagan is doing awesome and I could not be more proud of her. She wrote her first book report, and she got to display it on the wall, she was so proud (but not as proud as me) lol! She is reading at a third grade level, and is learning to write in cursive and is doing great! Reagan had made a book for me and Tim, and it was so sweet it made me cry, it just seems unreal to me that she is going to be in third grade (wow, I feel old) I feel so blessed to have two of the sweetest little girls ever and I am so proud of them!