Time flies when you are having fun:)

Eight years ago today my life was totally changed for the best, Reagan was born bringing so much happiness to me! I still cant believe that she is eight I am not sure where the time went. I feel blessed to call her my daughter, she is smart and sweet and thoughtful of other peoples feelings (most of the time) lol! She is doing great in school, and has lots of friends. Some of her favorite things are still horses, hannah montana, taylor swift, she loves being outside riding her bike, she really likes to draw, she is ready for summer so she can go swimming, she is starting to want to pick out her own clothes (which we do not agree on for the most part already:) and she is very interested in science I am not sure where that came from because I am not the least bit interested:) I am so thankful to have such great kids, and I just hope the next eight years dont go by so fast!!! Even though life can be so stressful sometimes and make you lose sight of the important things I really want to enjoy each day that I have because it goes by way to fast:(

Overwhelming

Sometimes in life things happen, that we don't know how to deal with, and I will say losing Marissa has definately been one of those things for me! Their is not a day go by that I do not think of her, and remember so many good times with her. She is always on my mind, sometimes pushed to the back, just because I cant stand the pain that comes with thinking of how different our lives should be. I still find myself wanting to pick up the phone and call her whenever something happens that I want to tell her, I still catch myself from calling her name when I walk in mom's house. Whenever Miranda calls me upset about something it makes me even more mad, because alot of the things she is going through would not even be an issue if she still had her twin. I am so glad to be so close to Miranda that she feels like she can talk to me, but sometimes it makes it harder. I guess to sum it all up I am still just really mad! I miss my sister more than I ever thought possible, and I am sad that Miranda is fixing to graduate, and start a whole new phase of her life, that Marissa will never be a part of! Sometimes all of it just becomes to overwhelming and I feel like I cannot breathe, I know my life will never be the same and now I am trying to figure out how to deal with what is now my normal life! I miss my sister, my friend and I just wish I could have one more chance to tell her how much I love her!

I am so ready for spring and warmer weather! The girls got new bikes (thanks Dad) and they are loving riding them! Since Tim has been gone my dad tries to come over once a week, he knows how much I hate being alone so he comes over and brings us dinner and just comes and hangs out with me and the girls and I love it, and I know once I move it is going to be something I miss really bad. Anyway last week he came over to watch American Idol and he usually just brings the kids something small, but not last week he brought bikes, and they were so excited, so I am ready for the nice weather this week so I can go for walks and let them ride their bikes not only will it be fun for them, but I can also get some much needed exercise:) I am going to try to post pics of them soon on their bikes!

Tonight was open house at school for the girls, and it was so neat to go and see all the things they have been working so hard on. Audrey is doing great, she is the youngest one in her class, but her teacher said she is right at the same level as everyone else. She loved having me there to show me all of the things that she has learned and the things that she does everyday. I cant believe my baby will be in kindergarten next year (sniff, sniff)! Reagan is doing awesome and I could not be more proud of her. She wrote her first book report, and she got to display it on the wall, she was so proud (but not as proud as me) lol! She is reading at a third grade level, and is learning to write in cursive and is doing great! Reagan had made a book for me and Tim, and it was so sweet it made me cry, it just seems unreal to me that she is going to be in third grade (wow, I feel old) I feel so blessed to have two of the sweetest little girls ever and I am so proud of them!

birthdays, sleepovers & tornadoes:)

I have been really busy since I last posted. Birthday parties, sleepovers, tornadoes, and valentines parties have kept me pretty busy:) The girls went to a birthday party at this little kid salon called sweet and sassy, and now Reagan has decided she wants her birthday party their which I dont blame her, it was alot of fun! They both went to a sleepover and had a blast, and it made me feel good because the little girls parents said that they were the best behaved kids with great manners ( I am not sure what happens at home:) that makes any parent proud!

Last week we had really bad weather, which if you know me at all you know that I am very afraid of storms. It was not just a thunderstorm though it was a tornado in february!! Thankfully we were ok, but it did touch down about three miles from the house, which is to close for comfort for me:) It really worries me because if they have already started it means we are probably in for alot of bad weather this spring, and I am sure most of it will happen when Tim is in Texas. I did find out what the nearest shelter was to us though so next time I will be prepared and not out driving around trying to find someplace to go.

So lately I have been feeling like I am not doing a very good job at this mom thing:) sometimes I feel like I have no idea how to be a good mom, and I have been trying my best to be more patient, not get so stressed when the house is a mess and just take time out to enjoy the little things. A few days ago me and Audrey were in the car and I asked her what was one thing she wished she could change about me, and she immediately said that she wished I was more "playish" meaning she wants me to play with her more, and then a few hours later when I asked Reagan she said she wanted me to play with her more (and then she said and she wished that I would never spank her again:) so that is my goal, to play with my kids more and not get so wrapped up in all the things I have to do because they are only this age once and before long they wont want to play with me, and I will be wishing I had of done it more often!

Random:)

This is going to be a very random blog, but here goes:) I am hating being away from Tim, it is alot harder than I thought it would be and it puts alot of stress on us. I know that no matter how many times I say I cant do this anymore, I am still going to be doing this until the girls dad gives up fighting the move, and it really gets harder every day, I need to be with my husband, he is my best friend, he keeps me calm, he knows how to make me feel better when I am just having a bad day, and most importantly I can sleep when he is here:) I am not getting any sleep at night and it is driving me crazy!!! On the other hand, I feel like I have gotten closer to my girls (it may be just because I am the only one here and they have to like me lol) At times they make me feel like I am going to go insane and at other times they are the only thing that keeps me sane:) they are the light of my life, and being a mom is the most wonderful part of who I am. Of course I like me time and doing things without them, but when it comes down to it their is no one I would rather spend time with than Tim and my girls! I am trying to learn to put everything in Gods hands and let him handle it, I am not doing a good job, but I am trying!

Iced In

For the last two days, we have been iced in. Yesterday, I took the girls to school, and things were fine, and by 11:00 when I went to pick Audrey up the roads were really slick, I slid off the road like four times thankfully it was just in the grass. So I went ahead and picked Reagan up while I was there, because their was no way I was getting out in it again, and I just did not feel comfortable with her riding the bus with the roads that way. We had a fun day just hanging out and watching movies. They were out of school today, and it sleeted/snowed pretty much all day today, the girls had a great time playing in it, they were just mad because their was not enough snow to make a snowman:) We baked cookies, and had a tea party, it was so fun just hanging out with them, they are growing up so fast, and I want to cherish the time that they still want to spend with me. I also took advantage of not being able to go anywhere, and got all my laundry done, got the house cleaned and even cleaned out a couple of closets! Schools are also closed tomorrow and I may go crazy if we can not leave the house, so hopefully some of it starts melting sometime tomorrow so we can get out of the house. I am just sad that Tim was not here to enjoy all the fun we had:)

I cannot believe that today it has been a year and four months since I lost one of the greatest sisters in the world. She is always on my mind, but the last couple of weeks have been really hard and I am not sure why. It is so hard to really accept that she is gone. So many things have happened without her. Like I still am mad that she was not there for the wedding, if she would have been there it would have been perfect, but without her, it was a happy/sad day. It seems like life should have just stopped until we felt ready to go on, but it dont work that way, and we have to just keep going. When something like this happens in your life it makes you realize what is really important and whats not, and I think that I need to always remember that, and not let the little things get to me. I have really been struggling with some things lately, and I realized last night I cannot change things or people all I can do is control the way I deal with it, and in the big picture these things are really small. Life is so short, and things can change in the blink of an eye. I have two wonderful little girls, a great husband, and an amazing family, and although part of it is missing I need to remember to thank God for the things I do have.